December has been quite a month, and 2011 has been quite an amazing year. I've been thinking about what to say with regards to my trip to New York and really only one word sums it up, vindicating. 


This year I've freed myself from so much, and my last trip to New York only proved to me that there are some people who will never change, who live their lives aimlessly causing destruction to people around them and to themselves. Hindsight for me, they're no longer my problem concern. 2011 has been a year of the most amazing healing- a healing that I {in 2010} never thought was possible. It's been a year of meeting the most incredible people who have enriched my life, who've challenged me, encouraged me and supported me through everything 2011 had to have me go through. Friends who were there through the highest highs, and the lowest lows. 


2011 I became free, free from a marriage that sadly had to end, free from my own insecurities, free from judgement- of myself and from others. This year I turned 30 {gracefully}, pushed myself mentally, ran two 5k's, traveled around North America and throughout it all continued my growth with God.  I'm grateful daily for the trials that I've had to go through, the humbleness that God's given me, and equally his grace and the blessings throughout this year- blessings that I never imagined would be possible, but so much better than I could have chosen for myself. 

                                                                          { 2011 in photos }

I'm a month behind in updating, especially about New York!

In the meantime, God is showing me that his timing is amazing and perfect:: he will bring wonderful people into your life and quickly remove those who don't deserve space in your heart.

Welcome December! I have a feeling this is going to be the most amazing month yet!

{New York, New York}
In the cab yesterday I got to thinking, everytime I land ::especially in Jersey:: I feel like I'm home.


As if I were back in California with my family and as if no time, no pain, had skipped a beat. But it has, and so much has changed that in my thinking, I dont know if I truly love the fact New York feels like home...or hate it.


I'm not going to let that stop me {I never let anything or anyone stop me} from enjoying this week as much as possibile:: and avoiding disasters even if they're only two blocks aways:: I have a new family out here now and an even more amazing life left back in California.

Just found a way to blog from my phone!

{Amazing and dangerous at the same time...}

You Can Have It All 

Underground music from Cansei De Ser Sexy
 in a London record store... yes, please!
{old classic, favorite and now irony here}

 :: Life through my phone ::

{Fall arriving:: rainy Ottawa night:: next morning:: Parliament}

::Ottawa, Canada:: 

One of the most beautiful cities I've been too yet...

{photo credit}

I'm leaving on a jet plane.. again... but 48 hours to and from Ottawa {Canada} will be my non-weekend-weekend before I begin to pack and get ready for New York, which just might have to be a completely separate blog post. But for now, I'm over packed for a way too quick international flight back up to visit our northern neighbors and returning to hot, hot, hot California just in time to go to work again on Tuesday. 

C'est la vie {and I loooove it! }

{photo credit}

Yesterday marked the end of a chapter, well.. the chapter ended long ago, but now it's legally over. So many things left unsaid, but a new day... a new chapter.. and most definitely a new life. I found this blog via a friend, and this post which sums up so much of what I've felt over the last year. 


Turning 30 is a big enough deal, turning 30 and getting divorced (yep, I said it..) well that's just never the place you thought life would take you. But I'm embracing every twist and turn, ups and downs, every bit of irony and humor that God's throwing my way, every friend, every rotating crush, every mistake, every joy, and learning to embrace my singleness in the way it was always meant to be embraced from the start. To be completely content and happy through every trial in life, every emotion (good and bad) and falling in love with God's plan for my life...and leaving mine at his feet...every day. 

30 Truths I've Learned in 30 Years:

1. There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up.  It’s realizing you don’t need certain people and things and the drama they bring.
2. If a person wants to be a part of your life they will make an obvious effort to do so.  Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.
3. If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down – which is not always as obvious and easy as it sounds.
4. Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.
5. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You don’t fail by falling down.  You fail by never getting back up.  Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
6. When you get to know people with different ethnic backgrounds, from different cities and countries, who live at various socioeconomic levels, you begin to realize that everyone basically wants the same things.  Theywant validation, love, happiness, fulfillment and hopes for a better future.  The way they pursue these desires is where things branch off, but the fundamentals are the same.  You can relate to almost everyone everywhere if you look past the superficial facades that divide us.
7. The more things you own, the more your things own you.  Less truly gives you more freedom.  Read The Joy of Less.
8. While you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you’ll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy.  This is as true for friendships as it is for intimate relationships.  Finding a companion or a friend isn’t about trying to transform yourself into the perfect image of what you think they want.  It’s about being exactly who you are and then finding someone who appreciates that.
9. Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.
10. Making a thousand friends is not a miracle.  A miracle is making one friend who will stand by your side when thousands are against you.
11. Someone will always be better looking.  Someone will always be smarter.  Someone will always be more charismatic.  But they will never be you – with your exact ideas, knowledge and skills.
12. Making progress involves risk.  Period.  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
13. Every morning you are faced with two choices:  You can aimlessly stumble through the day not knowing what’s going to happen and simply react to events at a moment’s notice, or you can go through the day directing your own life and making your own decisions and destiny.  ReadThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
14. Everyone makes mistakes.  If you can’t forgive others, don’t expect others to forgive you.  To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.
15. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
16. We sometimes do things that are permanently foolish just because we are temporarily upset.  A lot of heartache can be avoided if you learn to control your emotions.
17. Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.  There are many roads to what’s right.  You cannot judge others by your own past.  They are living a different life than you.  What might be good for one person may not be good for another.  What might be bad for one person might change another person’s life for the better.  You have to allow people to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.
18. Nobody is perfect, and nobody deserves to be perfect.  Nobody has it easy.  You never know what people are going through.  Every one of us has issues.  So don’t belittle yourself or anyone else.  Everybody is fighting their own unique war.
19. A smile doesn’t always mean a person is happy.  Sometimes it simply means they are strong enough to face their problems.
20. The happiest people I know keep an open mind to new ideas and ventures, use their leisure time as a means of mental development, and love good music, good books, good pictures, good company and good conversation.  And oftentimes they are also the cause of happiness in others – me in particular.
21. You can’t take things too personally.  Rarely do people do things because of you.  They do things because of them.
22. Feelings change, people change, and time keeps rolling.  You can hold on to past mistakes or you can create your own happiness.  A smile is a choice, not a miracle.  True happiness comes from within.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.
23. It’s much harder to change the length of your life than it is to change the depth of it.
24. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
25. When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
26. One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.
27. Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  Read The Book of Awesome.
28. Anyone can make a difference.  Making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.
29. Everything is a life lesson.  Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc.  They’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’  Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way.  If you don’t get a job that you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting.  And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it.
30. Regardless of how filthy your past has been, your future is still spotless.  Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday.  Every day is a fresh start.  Each day is a new beginning.  Every morning we wake up is the first day of the rest of our life.

{photo credit}

In between flights, layovers, gate changes, pick ups and drop offs, it suddenly turned to a chilly Fall in California. September is almost officially over and another chapter coming to anti-climatic finish. Today I day dreamed about heading home and spending the night building a fort, curling up with a cup of warm soup, a bottle of wine (or two..) and a date with netflix, ignoring the world for just one night, but life has other plans for me tonight. 


Better plans? Maybe...just maybe...

{Photo credit}

Hi, remember me? Yeah...I've been bad. Life's been way too busy for my good. I'm heading off to Canada for the next week doing a TV tour but the last month has been a roller coast of emotions (to say the least..) and this month always proves to be the most difficult. There's an expiration date for a broken heart, right? 


Regardless I'm moving forward in the most positive, best way I possibly can. Meeting as many new people as humanly possible, continuing to challenge myself outside of my personal comfort zone and what better way to deal with everything than to stay busy..busy... busy...busy till October rolls around, and fall begins to set in and September becomes another distant memory till next August.  


J says it best, in ways that hit so close to the heart that I know I'm not alone, and I never have been. There is a reason, a purpose within the destruction of people's free will- so says many cups of coffee and better yet, cocktails. Even last night, I met a new friend who has gone through the ugly d-word, and sadly a dear friend in Bologna, who was my saving grace that disgusting May, is going through the same thing. Free will's a bitch. 


And while majority of my current life moments are happy, amazing and all around wonderful...when the memories of a life past hit, they hit hard and with emotionally deadly force. Yet, we've both completed the first year or the first level in this whole "healing" process, and I can only imagine that it gets better from this point {only staying off facebook as much as possible helps} 


Hopefully I can find the time to begin sharing more of those grateful moments and this new life that I've created for myself. 

3 guys, 44 days, 11 countries, 18 flights, 38 thousand miles, an exploding volcano, 2 cameras and almost a terabyte of footage... all to turn 3 ambitious linear concepts based on movement, learning and food ....into 3 beautiful and hopefully compelling short films..... {completely crushworthy}

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

EAT from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

yep, I think I'm in love....

Fellini Friday!

Last night I went and saw Fellini's Amarcord a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age tale from Fellini's hometown of Rimini in 1930s Fascist Italy. {Amarcord is Romagnolo for "I remember"}

It's not the first time I've seen the film, but I enjoy the little opportunities I get in Southern California to practice my Italian. E 'la piaceri semplici- da vero, no?

{a little snippet}

{photo credit}

I'm back! {sorta!}  The weather is absolutely beautiful, I don't ever remember California being this beautiful. I spent the weekend relaxing with friends and family feeling truly grateful for every moment, every holiday that we get to spend together. How far we've all come together, how far I've come.

I was recently asked to share my story again, and of course it got me thinking a lot about the past year, all the changes that have gone on and the different places that life brings us. I was once told that people couldn't change- it was impossible. It's something that, this last week especially, has been weighing heavily on my heart because as I look over the past year, all I see is change. Great change, in every direction. It's unfortunate that this person will never see or be a part of all the positive changes that have gone on in my life, or be given the proof that in fact people can change. They will always have and believe that mythical view of life. Change is a part of life, it's one of the best and most beautiful parts of life. Sure it's hard, of course it's difficult, it takes work- but don't the best things in life take work? I think so. And aren't they worth the reward? Definitely.

My belief is that sometimes God allows bad things to happen to us in order to make us stronger, to grow us and mold us into the people he wants us to become. I say this because without a doubt it's what he's done with me. And without a doubt the other party involved is the one who lost, not me {and someone else gets to reap the rewards}. What happened will never define who I am, but it will forever be a part of who I am. And I love who I've become. 

Dear Blog,


I've been busy:: you've suffered:: I'm sorry. But a little note to say happy {holiday} weekend! I'm gearing up for an eventful weekend filled with family and friends, bbq's, bonfires, sunsets, margaritas, fireworks {is there really any better way?} The California sun is shining brightly, and the tourists have descended onto the coastlines. I'm blessed that I get to call this place home.

Happy Weekend:: We'll get caught up soon !

{Slim Aarons::Kaufman}

I have a night off and filled it with editing and writing reviews and of course a little musical procrastination.. enjoy!

I think I might be the worlds pickiest foodie, but I'm in {love} with Gilt's new Taste because let's face it, not being in the city anymore has some disadvantages. Where else can I find an urban picnic and Bottarga anyone?!

Outdoor summer movies, urban picnic, now just need to find my picnic partner...

che bel film

The other week, I took my hot date to the Newport Beach Film Festival (I'll take any excuse to see an Italian film.) to see Basilicata Coast To Coast. We laughed, I cried (no, not really), there were Pisa ice sculptures at the after party e abbiamo bevuto molto {molto} vino.

             

{leaning tower of pisa ice sculpture- because sometimes in life thats all you need}

Early Monday morning music- Low vs. Diamond  live at The Troubadour

seriously, how cute are these guys (especially the lead singer)!

{photo credit}

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 2:2-4

It's interesting for me to see how God has worked in my life over the past year. This week I was fully prepared to have an emotionally challenging week. A week of second guessing, filled with confusion, more or a less a dark cloud that I, in all honesty, just didn't want to deal with. The past months, this has been my prayer request, whenever people would ask me what I needed prayer for- the strength and grace to deal with the next round of obstacles- was often my response.  I share this because a year ago, I was at the darkest place I'd ever been in my life. I didn't know what to do, what to say, who I was, what was going on. For lack of a better word, I was lost.  

A year later (and yes dad's are always right) I'm in the exact opposite place that I was less than a year ago. God has completely changed everything about my life. I've been so blessed and filled with so much hope this week. In many ways I feel like a little child on Christmas morning, so excited to see how God continues to work in my life, so excited about not only the overly amazing people he's blessed me with, but moreover the excitement of where he's taking me. The excitement of getting to know people deeper, their challenges, their struggles, their hopes and dreams.  This week I learned that there good people, {and good men} who have been in my same situation. We can't choose what others do to us, but we can choose how we handle a trial, we can choose who we turn to in the midst of that trial. I chose to turn back to God and I've never felt my heart changed more than it has felt this week.

Ironically, this week of all weeks.

                                                     {photo credit}

I'm so excited, tonight I'm meeting up with an old friend from College to go see the Angels game! Added bonus, this little lady just happens to be working the game. I'm looking forward to a night with more old friends, beer, baseball and of course, an excuse to look cute and show off my new do {I'm rockin' some serious Spiteri curls!}  

Scenes

{*from the not so recent weekend}

Not having a computer that I can call my own is making it a little difficult to blog in a timely manner, but I finally have some photos from our trip to San Francisco.

There was food, lots of it and there was wine- copious amounts as scheduled, and there were friends, best friends, in abunance.

 I believe I have the worlds most amazing friends (and sister and sister's boyfriend). People who have been there for me through life's greatest moments and equally life's more challenging times.

They've been there to cry with me, celebrate with me, laugh with me, keep me accountable so what better way to turn 30 than with some of the people that I love most in this world?

*the rest of the photos are here

   {part of my birthday goodie bag waiting for me at the hotel- and yes, the champagne made it home in one piece}

   I {love} these women

Foreign Cinema is amazing. Equally amazing is Jenn trying to get them to play Breakfast at Tiffany's {a week early} Isn't that what best friends are for!?

   New York Times Food section eat your heart out {pun intended}

{nom}

{love}

weekend escape

{photo credit}

I'm off to San Fransico for a belated birthday getaway for the weekend with this lady (to see this lady and hopefully this lady).

We're going to ride trolley cars, cross big red bridges, eat clam chowder from oversized sour dough bowls and drink copious amounts of California wine.

Here's to new memories!

Good friends + sisters = happiness at it's finest. 

March

Part one!

To say March was a busy month, is an extreme understatement. There were a lot of big firsts- my first concert I was assigned to photograph, my first back-in-LA-red carpet event that I headed up, 30th birthday. And as tired as I am, I wouldn't change anything! Maybe just being able to blog a little more in a timely manner.

March showed me that life has a funny way of bring new people into your life, and God has an even funnier way of bring all your hopes and dreams back to you- only better than you could have ever imagined. And while there are still so many obstacles still ahead, I enter into April (a little late) filled with hope and promise for what the future holds and won't think past today.

                                    {Nylon event!}

{sleep deprived but working hard} 

                            {The red carpet} 

                                   {Party go-ers}

{back lounge with the Grilled Cheese Truck!}

{Brooklyn's Gutter meets San Diego's East Village & the guys trying to figure it out}

{Birthday dessert at Extraordinary desserts in San Diego- splitting is the way to go-nom!}

{Rogue photo at the Soho House Self Magazine event- no photos were allowed..the nerve}

{The beginning of the beginning! 30!}

There are still so many more photos to share...so I think I'll make a part two!

stay tuned...

Road trippin'

I'll take any excuse to hop in a car and head out for a road trip, it's just an added plus when it's for baseball.  It just so happened that we had a beautiful woman who knows a little something about baseball and the Angels. That weekend we enjoyed lots of spring trainging baseball, early birthday celebrations, the warm Arizona weather, and lots of good company.

Baseball season is here!

  The rest of the photos, click here

ciao

A little quick rogue blog post!

Shortly I'm heading out of my dear New York and back to life out on the West Coast before heading up to San Fran for a little post-birthday getaway with some of my favorite people {to visit some of my favorite people!} 

This week has been such a blessing spending quality time with old friends, hitting up new foodie spots, meeting new editors and being back in the city that has both stolen and broken my heart {full recap still to come}.  But life goes on, and as I head back west, I feel so thankful that I get the opportunity to come back to my first love, in all her glory.

yes, God has an amazing sense of humor with me.

photography by steven chee

Music Monday

I'm officially 30!! And while there is still much to blog about, I'm going to leave you with this Monday music video. 

I have a soft spot in my heart for Adele and her latest (ok not so recent song) and lyrics struck the perfect cord in my soul for so many slightly obvious reasons. 

Don't underestimate the things that I will do- we could've had it all. 

March

Dear blog,

I'm sorry that I've severely neglected you this month. March has been a non-stop tornado of work and fun and these next few weeks are no exception. Filled with magazine parties, concerts, baseball and many birthday celebrations, life has been so amazing and I feel so blessed by what has been going on. 

Here's a little peek at what March brought my way:

Nicole, Emily & Emily at LA Confidential Pre-Oscar party

Weekend!

                                                 {photo credit}

I don't think I've ever been so excited for the weekend to be here! This week has been a roller coaster of a week, and while I love them, I'm more excited for the warm weekend decending upon us. This week has also been filled with spending time with some amazing women, conversations, testimonies of life challenges and inspiration. I feel so utterly blessed and thankful for the people that Gods brought into my life.

I have no clue what I'm going to do this weekend short of getting my taxes done but some major beach time is definitely on the agenda as well!

 I can only hope and pray that one day I'll have a kid as amazing as this! In the meantime, I'm taking her words of wisdom to live by:

 

{photo credit}

This week I'm grateful for...

* new friends {and pushing myself outside my comfortability}

*traveling again, even if it's just to Las Vegas

* god's grace with me {and his sense of humor}

*a warm bed and food on the table

* deep tissue massages {sigh}

*rainy california weather

* the countdown to 3-0 has begun!! 

The thing about a long California commute is that it allows you a lot of time for reflection and thoughts. The past few weeks I've had a lot of wonderful, new people appear in my life. With that comes opening the Italian door, what my experiences were like, the food, the people, life in general and the dreaded question ...of what brought you to Italy.

Maybe it's the long week I've had, a happily full plate of projects at work but tonight on my drive home I wanted to escape work-mode reflecting back on all the conversations I've been having lately about Italy, and my experience there. It reminded me of how much I miss zia- among so many other things. In between pacific coast highway and the five freeway,  tears began to roll down my cheeks as I remembered this woman. A lady unlike any I've ever met and with a heart bigger than the world. I was immediately family, it didn't matter that when we met I didn't speak Italian, I was family. Tonight I missed her like I would miss my own grandmother, with so much else from that bitter-sweet experience.

{me-pre brunette- and zia}

Music Monday

I'm joyfully enjoying  a rare day off, and deciding which {if not all} posters to add to my collection from UK based music philosophy. 

Which one will you choose?

close call

I'm having a {Rilo Kiley} kinda day, so enjoy this little blast from the past.

I want to be just like {Jenny} when I grow up

Vegas roundup

I'm back and very thankful to come home to a three-day rainy weekend! The trip was a huge success, lots of editor meetings, too many delicious dinners, and new Canadian friends.  And while I haven't quite figured out how much I should share about my job here, here's a recap through my phone:

 

{My Valentines day dates}

{My other V-day dates}

{sneak peek}

{Black Rebel Motorcycle Club}

{into pans labyrinth}

I'm off to Vegas!

{photo credit}

Ok so it's really for work, but what better place for me this v-day than having a hot date with editors at the new STK at The Cosmopolitan hotel {and then hopefully sneaking in here!}